Girls Night #165: How to Stop Being a People Pleaser (and Create Healthy Boundaries!)
IN THIS PODCAST EPISODE YOU’LL LEARN:
What people-pleasing actually is and why so many of us struggle with it.
Why it’s important for you to say what you need/want/don’t want — and how to get more comfortable doing that.
How to figure out what to say yes and no to, and what to do if a no makes someone mad.
What to do if you set a boundary and the person on the other side gets upset about it.
Why therapy is so beneficial for us as women.
(You can also listen right here!👇)
(Or watch the interview right here!👇)
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Hey friends! Welcome to Girls Night!
So, today’s episode requires a bit of backstory. But I promise it’ll all make more sense once you hear the context.
Here we go…
A few summers ago — the summer of 2018, to be exact — was one of the toughest, darkest, saddest, most difficult times of my whole entire life. I found myself in an absolute tailspin of anxiety and depression.
And as the anniversary of this season rolls around each year, I always find myself remembering with striking clarity how it all felt. As the weather grows warmer and summer sets in, I always feel a fresh wave of gratitude for the fact that I'm not stuck in that dark place anymore. And I tear up every single time I think of the women who carried me through it.
I also take this time each year to check in with myself. It's a time when I check in on how I'm doing and when I try to get quiet and really listen to the answer. It's my own personal Mental Health Awareness Time. And next week, I want to invite you to join me in it.
Next week, we're going to do two things in our little corner of the internet:
1. I'm going to tell you the full story of what happened that summer. (Make sure you’re on my email list, because that’s where I’ll be sharing the story! You can sign up for that on my website, StephanieMayWilson.com) I'm going to tell you the story of my personal mental health journey. And I want to do this because I have a feeling someone in our community is struggling right now and needs to hear that she's not alone in this.
2. After I tell you what happened, I'm going to tell you how I was able to get the help I needed. Along the way, three friends showed up for me in positively life-changing ways. They showed up right when I needed them and carried me through that season. And as much as I possibly can, I want to pass along to you what they gave to me...
My friends encouraged me to get help and then helped me actually get the help I needed, and so if you're in a rough place right now, that's exactly what I want to do for you too.
Along with telling you my full mental health story next week, we’re going to do something really fun here on the podcast.
Over the next few weeks, y’all are going to get to hear from two really really important women in my life.
My own personal counselors: The one I worked with back in 2018, and the one I’m working with now!
These are the women who have been in my corner over the last several years — helping me heal from some things from my past, and helping me through the difficult things that I’ve faced in the present, and making it so that I not only have gotten to the other side of those things — I’ve actually come out on the other side better, healthier, and stronger than ever before.
These women have helped me grow and heal so much. They’ve helped me become a healthier version of myself, and every single part of my life and every single one of my relationships is better as a result.
I’m so excited for you to meet them and for you to get a sense of what therapy has been like for me because I feel like it’s a great way to sample the kind of help and support that’s available for you too.
(Quick disclaimer here: Confidentiality is something that is taken really seriously when it comes to counseling and therapy. And so it’s pretty unconventional for me to be introducing you to my counselors — both former and current — and for us to be sharing some of what we’ve talked about in our sessions. I just wanted to let you know that we’ve had all of the conversations and signed all the necessary paperwork when it comes to the ethics of having them on the show — especially with my current therapist who you’ll meet next week — we’ve done all the work to make sure to protect my privacy, the work we’ve done together, and the integrity of our therapeutic relationship. Just wanted to make sure to say that.)
And that brings us to today’s episode.
Our guest for today’s episode is my former therapist — the one who walked me through that dark season in 2018 and so much more — Blake Blankenbecler.
And today I’ve invited her on the show to talk about people-pleasing.
People-pleasing and how to set boundaries are things she and I talked about a LOT during the years I was seeing her. And I cannot even begin to tell you how much freedom I was able to step into as a result.
Friends, if you’re a people-pleaser, if you have a hard time saying no, feel guilty for setting boundaries, worry constantly about how other people are perceiving you, and often feel resentful because you feel so depleted from it all — this episode is for you.
One last thing: Like I said, next week is going to be a really big week here in our corner of the internet. I shared my mental health story for the first time last year and it honestly was one of the most impactful things we’ve ever done around here.
So if you want to make sure to hear the story and take part in all we’re doing during our mental health week next week, make sure you’re on my email list.
Again, you can sign up at StephanieMayWilson.com.
I’m so excited to dive in.
PIN ME!
LINKS FROM THE SHOW
Steph’s book, The Lipstick Gospel (here’s a paperback copy and here’s a free digital download!)
Steph’s prayer journals, Every Single Moment and The Between Places
Challenge this week from Blake: Find 2 or 3 things to say no to this week even if they’re small (experiment)
Book mentioned: Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close
Quotes mentioned:
"Knowing who we are and what we want keeps us out of resentment" - Blake
"When it comes to saying what we want and need, the more we can practice in little ways, the easier it is to speak up in big ways" - Stephanie
CONNECT WITH BLAKE:
TikTok // Website // Instagram
CONNECT WITH STEPHANIE
WE LOVE OUR SPONSORS!
Our first sponsor for today’s episode is Calm. For listeners of the show, Calm is offering an exclusive offer of 40% off a Calm Premium subscription at CALM.COM/girlsnight.
Our first sponsor for today’s episode is Green Chef. Go to GreenChef.com/GIRLSNIGHT135 and use code GIRLSNIGHT135 to get $135 off across five boxes, plus free shipping on your first box!